Brewers Spring Training 2014

Tyler and I went to this outdoor mall to grab some lunch. I ran through the fountains and we went to this Sportsbar. All of the girl servers were wearing yoga pants but we got the only dude who worked there. Just my luck. Eternally surrounded by dudes.

Yesterday was a whirlwind. Traveling always takes a lot out of me and the time zone change, excitement and the fact that I hit the ground running hard by going to a baseball game right away was enough to make me take it easy this morning. I could have easily sat around and did nothing. Believe me, it was on my mind. But I hate wasting time, so I decided to go to a liquor store that was 20 minutes away so I could have an adventure. When I got there I found these sweet colorful plants. I don't know what they are called but I do know that you will never see anything like this in Milwaukee unless you visit the Mitchell Park Domes. That's the desert for you.

I developed a love for cactuses (or is it cacti? I don't truly know how to pluralize cactus and I don't care to look it up) from the moment I saw one in its' native environment the first time I visited Arizona. When I saw some outside of the liquor store parking lot I had to stop by and take a cactus selfie. When I sent this picture to Jenny she responded that it looks like this cactus has a face. Upon further review she's correct, but this character is missing an eye. Either he was born a Cyclops or he lost it in battle like some kind of pirate cactus. Look, I don't know. Even though it looks like we are best friends, I didn't stick around long enough to hear his entire life story. I had some adventures to go on and some booze to drink.

I walked into the Liquor Vault wearing my Milwaukee Brewers jersey and the clerk instantly took notice after he asked me if I needed help finding something. We talked for a bit and he told me he was born and raised in Menomonee Falls and was a graduate of UW-Milwaukee. It was cool to have a connection with someone and we talked Brewers, Packers and UWM making the NCAA tournament. You never know what is going to happen when you go on an adventure which is why I keep on taking them. I bought a bottle of Knob Creek and a bottle of Sailor Jerry. Seeing as I still had 6 days out here, there's no reason to believe I couldn't consume every last drop.

I found this pedestrian walkway over the highway next to the store and I took short hike up there. I was greeted with a perfect desert backdrop complete with everything that you could possibily look at down here - cacti, mountains, sand, various trees and plants, rocks and sweet clouds. If I had all the time in the World I could have sat up here for a while so I could soak it all in. But I had other plans.

Yes, other plans did mean getting topless and hanging out in the pool. If like this sort of thing then you have more problems than I do. I'm sorry for you and any future offspring. But then I did something useful with my time and dropped by Arizona State University with my cousin Tyler so he could show me around the campus where he started attending in the fall. I've heard a lot about ASU. It would be interesting to check it out.

Even though my Aunt (his Mom) lived just a few miles away, he was required to live in the dorms. And why not? I thought the dorms at UW-Oshkosh were sweet and I didn't get my own room and shared bathroom (with one other dude) like he did. This was high society compared to the closet I shared 15 years ago in my freshman year. This was high class compared to what I had. Tyler was on Spring Break so naturally the campus was a ghost town. This made it easy to get around (at close to 60,000 students, it is the largest public universiy in the United States) as around 13,000 students live on campus. Honestly, I can't even imagine what this place would look like on a normal school day.

If I didn't know any better, I would have assumed that Velociraptors went to Arizona State University. Outside of the dorms they have these giants fences with warnings that the gate can shut on you and cause injury. If they are that strong then there is also a possibility that they are electrified as well. There's no doubt in my mind that Velociraptors are smart enough to get into ASU so I'm sure they could have figured out away this imprisonment even if Nedry acted irresponsibly and turned off all of the fences while trying to strike it rich.

Even though it was Spring Break and this place was like if the Zombie Apocalypse hit a college campus, there were still plenty of hot chicks around. I couldn't help but stare even if I'm easily a decade older than them. Me oogling kids that weren't alive when I was in High School is in no way creepy. But honestly, I was more enamored by the Orange trees throughout campus. You could easily grab a mid day snack. That's why I'm fat and still single. I'm always thinking with my stomach and not my heart.

This campus was alarmingly huge. Tyler said his longest distance between classes is a 20 minute walk. And he's skinny! Imagine how long that would take me! I guess if I would have gone here I might have been in shape. FML. Why the hell didn't I go to ASU?